Oh brother, what incredible timing in taking a sabbatical immediately before a worldwide pandemic and the ensuing chaos and discord. This is Professor H-Rod writing today’s blog post and honestly this was one of the shortest sabbatical’s in my personal history, if not history itself. So much has happened since TTCU has been in session that it’s truly difficult to comprehend. Here at TTCU we’re most excited to have created an actual presence within our virtual universe, but more about that later.

As always here at TTCU we prefer to stay above the fray, scrum and cacophony in order to hopefully identify the overarching causes and inarguable truths in order to reach common consensus and further fruitful discourse. Affiliation to party over country or shared best interest is never accepted here and we’ll break out a dunce cap to be worn shamefully under such circumstances.

In these United States ( TTCU is primarily concerned with the fab 50 because when we “catch a cold, the world dies of covid”) in the 21c discerning truth is challenging at best and has become indiscernible generally. The biggest hurtle to overcome often is simply understanding the perspective at best, or at worst the AGENDA of the person, male or female (our biology professor Dr Hamilton still maintains there is a real non-fungible differentiation between the two) holds while they present their “heartfelt”opinion. Good luck with all of that.

However, here at TTCU we have developed a formula which, if there ever was a will to implement would help people to at least discern whether the personality speaking AT us have their bona fides, or are just talking-head gas bags giving their uninformed opinion in order to promote and further their own prurient self interest. It’s a little known fact in the media world today, but the departments that are responsible for promoting our favorite television personalities laboring for any “news” network, are being remunerated by either the news or the entertainment department, which have entirely different missions and standards of conduct and content. For example, all prime time windbags are being paid by their employers’ entertainment department. This is bait-and-switch 101, a course that we don’t even offer our athletes.

Since 1968 the motion picture rating system has guided parents (both male and female), as well as all other interested parties with regard to the appropriate nature for all age groups. This system has become an ersatz prism through which people (as defined as human beings) can reasonably discern their expectations regarding the content of any film. With this in mind, why then is it appropriate to feed us information masquerading as news, without proper accountability as to the people and their agendas who attempt to blur the lines of reality and unreality (thank you Dr Mitroff)? Therefor, we at TTCU propose that all “news” programs should come with a rating of: N for newsworthy content by journalism professionals, or E for entertainers masquerading as newsworthy people, all generally men or women. We are amenable to substituting the E designation for BS (bovine scatologists). Thank you for that, General Schwarzkopf Jr.

Concerning our virtually physical campus, that’s going to have to wait as we’ve run out of time.

One half of the above wonderful dogs are available at the local rescue shelter. They need homes and families and love and have the same to give in bunches. Even if you haven’t a place for one other than in your heart you can truly be helpful.

The professionals and volunteers at your local shelter do incredibly unselfish work in order to help unwanted dogs and cats find permanent homes.  Some come from abusive situations, some are strays and others are voluntarily surrendered by their families for myriad reasons, many heartbreaking.  Most have obviously received some level of training, making their transition and assimilation to family life that much easier; It’s always so gratifying to realize our short-term goal, a “daily-double” during a walk. Recently on a walk this beautiful, sweet black lab peed for literally five minutes. I thought I was watching “A League of Their Own”, because it was some good peeing indeed!

I really enjoy going there as all of the pups are thrilled to see me, or maybe they just need to go out, I’m not sure.  I am sure that the more I go visit them the more I want to go.  I’m not sure that I’m ready to take one home and wonder if I will ever be.  So far I’ve been successful in not taking them ALL home, as would be my want.  I hug them, hold them, talk to them and generally get as close as possible.  And the best news; to challenge an old adage, I have never come home with fleas.

While generally and specifically comforting, this presents a confounding set of relevant questions, such as: Have dogs ever received fleas by humans that lay down with them? If either species contacts the other, does the flea-ridden party always transfer to the unflea-bitten party?  Is it flea-bitten or flea-ridden, anyway?  Are these properly hyphenated words ( Dr. Jefferson?).  Is this entire diatribe truly about dogs and fleas or is it a metaphor?

Were not certain of answers to any of these and other questions.  We haven’t even studied metaphors but am sure.  In fact we don’t even have a astrophysics department. What we do know is that here at TTCU we pride ourselves in being totally apolitical, so it has nothing to do with Washington DC.

Find your sunspot and help someone else find theirs:Dr. Fowler

Deals and walls and barriers to deals and balls through walls!  Jeez, really?  What a bunch of hokum.  Monte Hall made deals, Theodore Roosevelt made policy. Les Nessman wanted walls and everyone laughed.  Regardless of which side of this fence we sit on or the definition of said fence, there’s one thing for certain:  This issue of border security, immigration reform and the other associated aspects have been reduced to being the living definition of a political football and may never be reasonably resolved. Theres nothing funny about that.

The Human Race is?

a) an actual race against our assured self-destruction.

b) the only species on Earth no longer driven by instinct.

c) always and fatally creating economic and social systems based on exploitation of cheap or free labor sources.

d) awesome at being exceptional and tethered to our core values right up until they become  inconvenient.

e) should be very afraid that the new growth industries getting attention from wall street  are pot, gambling and gaming.

f) rush to monetize before we understand.

Many of the same people on both sides of this national debate have flourished in business and politics, creating wealth and power beyond my imagination; while exploiting the same laws, conventions, considerations and integrity they espouse out of the public side of their mouths.  Once again, the dialogue is broke, it has no value or collateral, just empty promises of rainbows and candy canes.  Here’s who is not broke, anyone participating in the 2018 mid-term elections, normally a yawn fest.  However in 2018 there was $5 Billion spent.  Here at TTCU we call that shamefully wasted money (SWM).  In whose best interest did that serve?  As far as we see Tocqueville was right; as soon as the politicians realize the populace can be bribed with their own money, the political class will rule the people perpetually.

If we could only flip that coin and make our decisions based on our best interest instead of our self-interest, everything would be Jake.  The answer to the previous question was all of the above.

As always everything must be considered in terms of agenda and in whose self interest is served. In this case it’s mine. I have been searching for new and different drinking games at Trash Can U, and this is it: Every time the President mentions walls or deals, take a shot.

Your welcome,

President Thackeray

 

 

 

 

1. 

   DCIM100SPORT

   

   DCIM100SPORT

   

   DCIM100SPORT
   Our first six blog posts formed an acronym that hopefully is a prediction for the upcomming year, and not politics as usual.  Happy 2019!

Dr. Jefferson

 

As we toggle back and forth between fantasy and reality the need for an effective method of discerning between the two becomes apparent.  The Trash Can University is dedicated to the prospect that we are indeed citizens and not brands or consumers or lemmings or however we allow ourselves to be defined.  A major obstacle in successfully traversing todays landscape is very simple.  Everything lies in its definition.  For example what is marketing?  Once defined as matching the needs and wants of the consumer with the products and services available; today it’s a matter of conditioning the consumer to buy products and services that are available whether they need them or not.  Much of this is crap, unnecessary and redundant.  Does Ron Popeil realize that most homes come equipped with an oven and a stove?  Most of this ends up at the ever proliferating consignment stores, yard and estate sales and eventually wind up in one of the five gyres (ocean garbage dumps), at least one being the size of Australia for heaven’s sake.  Does anyone know the working definition of an amateur athlete? How about free market capitalism?  Anybody?

During this awkward time between the gift giving season and the new year we often look reflectively on the previous 12 months and attempt to resolve to improve ourselves. Now I believe this is simply the product of a vacuum created from all of the holiday excitement, resulting in self assessment due to boredom or gluttony.  What of these New Years resolutions?  Are they dreams or goals?  Has anyone reviewed last years resolutions and assessed success or failure?  Here at The Trash Can University we ascribe these as goals to be met or exceeded, not wishes that are ultimately unfulfilled. Furthermore we believe that the statute of limitations on a resolution is seven weeks; meaning that if you are able to continue with your resolutions beyond Presidents Day February 18, then it’s likely that you’ve conditioned yourself for successfully fulfilling these resolutions, making them goals and not merely dreams.

This is why at The Trash Can University we start considering our goals for the upcoming calendar year during Thanksgiving break.  Customarily our first resolution involves giving.  In our county, there is a 25% poverty rate.  This means that 1 out of every 4 people living amongst us, whether they be children, adults or the elderly are hungry and cold if they have shelter at all.  This is embarrassing in a country that is so chock full of exceptionalism.  Insulting really.  The good part is that starting in early December we at TTCU are conditioned to think about these embarrassing statistics, giving responsibly to local people in need, thus creating muscle-memory and ultimately renewal on January 1, giving us the potential of surpassing the statute of resolution limitations.  Believe me; if you’re paying attention and give more than lip service to social concern, you’ll never run out of opportunities to give for the entire 12 months, thus creating a less dreadful reality for many instead of living in our own fantasy.  Oh, btw, do the same thing concerning exercise, weight loss or any other goal for the upcoming year.  It’s not like there aren’t things to improve on.

Dr. Burbank

 

 

I hope everyone is enjoying an exceptionally terrific holiday season and wish for a wonderful new year just chock-full of even more exceptionalism in 2019.  Unfortunately for many this year, Santa’s generally exceptional rally in the financial world has turned into an exceptionally rich vein of coal in our stockings. Maybe H.C. Frick substituted for Santa this year. If that’s the case lets hope this damn holds!  This unexceptional performance comes as no true surprise if we subscribe to the to the rule that past performance never dictates future results and this is why at The Trash Can University we always look forward and attempt to discern what may likely happen.  However without access to a crystal ball, no one is ever sure what the future has in store.  That’s what makes a market.

The same holds true for most other areas of life, whether it be regarding; health, finances, sports, or any other facet where past performance may be exceptional but never guarantees future results.  This is a sort of principle, or a rule.  The only thing that guarantees exceptional future results is exceptional performance in real-time and not in VR.  At The Trash Can University we are no exception.  As we look back at 2018 on our many achievements and set backs, one thing stands out very clearly: What a weird and completely unpredictable year it turned out to be.  For example who would have believed that TTCU would discontinue our golf program during the 2018 season?  Gee, what a surprise for coach Fuzzy Zellman.  Good luck hack!

Now H. Rod maintains that one who ignores history is doomed to repeat it, whatever that means. I suppose the truth lay somewhere in the middle.  One thing is for sure, not a soul on Earth can say definitively what 2019 has in store for anyone or anything.  Dr. Fine of the Dewey, Cheatum & Howe School of Business says that at the end of a functional management cycle there is control, evaluation then adjustment or corrective action and the cycle starts anew.  So with this in mind I would suggest that these rules are transferable and cross into other realms, that’s what makes them principles.  This is why at TTCU we believe that the only way to measure exceptionalism is in retrospect, because otherwise you risk hubris, and nobody wants that.

So we hope that next year we all look back on an exceptional 2019.  That goes especially for the ping-pong team.  Coach Chip Netty needs the job.

Dr. Cromwell

 

 

 

Hello; my name is Dr. Fine, dean of The D.C.& H. School of Business.  First I would like to acknowledge our international visitors, with the U.K. being represented.  The oldster claiming to be from the history department, H.Rod.,  hopes they may be from Bletchly Park and gives a shout-out to A. Turing, whatever or whomever that is.  We closed the history dept. long ago as history seems to change too often for us to invest long-term. Nobody cared anyway.

Here at The D.C. & H. School we know what people care about. People care about money! That’s why we created this report calling the very top, the ebb of the second greatest bull market in the history of the NYSE.  This report and its conclusions were sent via email to our subscribers during market hours on October 4, 2018. Yes we kept them. We also believe in showing our work, here pictured with H. Rod:Now is that something you may have been interested in?  This report enabled us to retain our endowment and actually expand now while others are forced to contract.  We will put no new money to work for the forseeable future.

Everyone enjoy your holiday and be sure to take the high road during your last-minute shopping , it’s  the most expedient and just a better experience altogether.

Dr. Fine

 

Hello, my name is Dr. Knachbar, dean of The School of Popular Culture along with Dr. Burbank.  As Dr. Thackeray is otherwise indisposed pursuing his stated short-term mission, Dr. Burbank and I felt as though we were best positioned to publish todays post, which has in real-time become germane to todays Anc. (ever shortening American news cycle), defined as limited by its very nature.  While Dr. Burbank searches for Mr. Gaacke in order for us to utilize a most basic function of 21c. video technology, I’ll summarize.

Dr. Thackeray opened yesterday by reviewing the statistics from our first day on the line, celebrating the fact that we had experienced a 38% international response, all from mainland China.  Yesterday, 100% international hits.  And then there’s this:

A huge thank-you to Dr. Casey for his timely assistance, enabling us to continue.

Now let me make one thing perfectly clear; although we are honored to be considered a top American institution while nascent in our existence, we are not at all interested in changing our main text-book to a little red one, we’re perfectly happy with ours:

Genius for Dummies.